Radio France
by Sky the wolfdog9
Summary: Oneshot.  America and England storm a radio station in France and host their own show.  Guess who's tuning in?  USUK, slight Franada


** This idea just hit me in the face like a…brick. **

**XXXX**

France had decided to drive Canada around his country a bit, the other having not been there in some time. It was simple too, just visit the nice cities, a few of the small villages, see some historical sights and that was it. They didn't really expect for anything huge to happen at all. The two really didn't expect anything surprising to happen when France turned on the radio and twisted the knob back and forth, trying to find a good frequency.

"…ri…t…p!" France stopped what he was doing and was a bit more careful with what he was doing so the radio could tune in with the channel they had just heard. That was England's voice right? "Why…en…a…ree with storming this bloody station with you?" England's voice seethed on the speakers.

"What the…?" Canada furrowed his eyebrows, a bit confused before shaking his head. "Ugh. You might have a whole bunch of confused citizens right now…"

"Dude, you totally agreed with me! And besides, you're like—the bestest person I ever know!" America's enthusiastic voice chimed happily. France and Canada easily decoded what it actually meant. "Alright my wonderful, yet not heroic audience! Time to listen to some tunes!" there was a brief silence before America's voice returned. "Uh…Iggy, why the hell aren't there any English songs?"

"Oh, I wonder why?" the two could just see the Briton rolling his eyes. "Ugh, here, at least I know a few French songs—damn it, if France is listening to this, I might have to commit suicide."

"No~! Iggy, don't say that!" America whined, likely clinging to the Briton. "You're like—the bestes—"

"I know! You already told me that!" England wailed angrily. "Now let's see…doesn't this place have anything good at least?" he continued. There was a bit of muttering in between the two English speaking countries before a random song began playing. "Ugh, this sounds horrible…"

"What? I think it's okay, though Frenchie could totally use a reality check. This song sounds super old," America said. "Here, let me look some more," he then urged and there was the sound of some struggling. Canada grinned and told France to stay on the channel even though the Frenchman obviously wasn't bent on changing it.

"You think we could use this as blackmail?"

"Maybe."

"Gyah! Totally not cool! That hurt Iggy!" the American whined. "Sorry folks, Iggy here's PMSing—OW!"

"Don't you _dare_!"

"Hah, can't you tell? Wait…I don't even think anyone can understand me…Okay then! Guess what Iggy?"

"It's not Iggy!"

"I love you~! The United States of Awesome loves the United Kingdom of uh…stuff! You're name's too long Iggy-poo! But I still love ya~!" silence followed. The distant sounds of another struggle were heard, England having likely drug America away from the microphones and proceeding with whatever he was doing. "Hah! Dude, am totally gonna bang Iggy on a radio show! Hell yeah, I advise that whoever's listening to this change the channel~! Uh…change el channel? I dunno, but unless you don't want to hear some messy stuff going on, change it!"

France began snickering to himself while Canada began to turn red. Were those two seriously going to go at it in a studio? "Hands off wanker! God! Either continue the damn show, or we're leaving!"

"Aww, you're no fun," France seemed disappointed when the two returned to just talking while Canada forced his racing heart to slow down. "M'kay, let's read the letters I have no idea how to read uh…I know what _bonjour_ is…"

"Give me that," there was a brief silence as England read.

"Dude, you know French?"

"Shut up," more silence before England finally spoke up again. "They're asking about concerts that are coming up or something like that…"

"Oh dude, I've got a shit load of awesomeness going on back at my place!" America announced enthusiastically. "Like—"

"I don't want to hear about any of your shit eating singers," England huffed. "Let's ignore that question."

"Okay, they we can come up with our own! Let's start with uh…stuff. Okay, what is your opinion on the Treaty of Versailles?"

"Why the hell are you asking me that?"

"Cause I wanna," America's voice was a pout before he continued. "Yeah, actually that's a dumb question since obviously you and France wanted to be bullies and punish Germany. Dude, that only lead to World War Two."

"Wha—you can't just go on blaming me! I lost way more people than you did so you obviously won't understand," England huffed moodily.

"Yeah, but listening to me probably would've made a difference."

"But then again, World War Two did quite a bit for basically everybody," England sighed. "Germany and Italy are one example—"

"Are you leaving us out on purpose?"

"Shut up! God, I'm going to leave this damn station if you won't stop saying the wrong things ant the worst of times!" England snapped, though he didn't sound angry—just irritated.

France turned off the radio when they arrived in Marseille to get lunch. They'd only be spending the afternoon here, so they didn't really need to bring any of their belongings with. "How long do you think they'll keep that up?" Canada asked, a small grin stretching at his lips. "It's kind of humorous if you ask me."

"I agree _mon cher_," France grinned at the look alike of America before continuing further into the city. Canada's smile widened as they continued walking down roads and the occasional alleyway. The city was beautiful and he couldn't wait to go to the beach, maybe tune in on America and England's channel again once they were there.

They went to eat and went to the beach after Canada asked the older if they could go. On their way, Canada bought one of those small, pocket size radios. He fiddled with it a bit, turning the dial many times in hopes of finding his two fellow nations once more. They really should host a radio show if they got enough material—and knowing those two, they probably won't even need script writers.

"A...hen…he truck exploded like—boom!" America yelled, his voice crackling before coming out of the speakers smoother as Canada tuned the radio. "And—and I can't remember what happened next, but I think the guy saved the girl!"

"Like what happens in all of your movies?"

"Hey! American cinema is like—top notch!" America boasted proudly. "Would kick your ass any day. And you know that new movie coming out—_Red Tails_? Yeah. Totally would kick your ass!"

"I don't really want to hear about your stupid movies—God it's hot in here, and it's only January!"

"Well duh," America's voice was sly and suggestive only to be followed with the Briton shoving the taller out of his seat from what Canada could hear. America's laughter could be heard in the background as England muttered to himself—into the microphone unbeknownst to him. Canada turned red once again while France began snickering to himself some more when they heard what the Brit uttered what was supposed to be to himself. "Alright, totally got kicked out of my own seat by an old man."

"Do I look old to you?"

"Actually, yea—gah!"

"Take that back you sodding git! I'll feed you to my dogs if you keep up with that kind of attitude!"

"Ha, ha!" America began laughing hysterically for some reason, attempting to speak as he was being chocked by England and laughing. "Dude, your dogs are tiny sausages! Pembroke Welsh Corgi's can't do nothin' against the US of Amazingness!"

"You'll regret your words! And like a Dachshund's any better!"

"C'mon, they cute! And I have an Irish Wolfhound too! Don't forget that guy, 'cause they're huge!" the two fell into an argument about dogs and who'd get eaten first by them. The argument soon transitioned from being eaten by dogs to America butchering England 'precious' English language.

"Firstly, it's not c'mon, it's come on. Secondly—quit abbreviating almost every single word you can!"

"Chillax dude, I only did it like—a few times, no biggie."

"Two words out of all of that don't even exist!"

"Hey! Microsoft Word doesn't try to change it, then it's a real word!" America's voice was a childish huff.

"Maybe that's because you 'Added it to the Dictionary'!" England huffed. "Ugh…why in bleeding hell are we even here again?"

"'Cause Mr. America thought that'd it'd be amazing to have sex while on air!" America laughed loudly and England stuttered angrily. Canada really hoped nobody around them could understand English at the moment with how vulgar America was being. "C'mon—one go, I doubt anyone's even listening after a straight hour of having to listen to you!"

"No way, I'm not risking it," England immediately shot the offer down.

"Gah, I'll get you sometime before we ditch this place. Hey, maybe I can buy it or something? Maybe I'll ask France, though he might kill me if he hears that I totally stormed one of his radio stations…hey Iggy, wanna play some music? I brought my iPod!"

"Hell no—besides, we won't be able to figure out how to plug that thing in with all of these wires and buttons," England shot down another offer America brought out in the open. "Ugh, I don't even—" his voice was suddenly cut off.

"Ha, ha! You totally pulled the plug to your microphone," America snickered. "Dude, I could help ya know~"

"Leave me alone!" England's voice was slightly distant. America continued to snicker as England plugged his microphone back in and was audible again. "—oody wanker…"

"Hey! Hey! Iggy guess what!"

"What in God's name do you have to say now?"

"…Dude did you seriously think I had something important to say?" America cracked up. "Wow, I didn't know you would actually dedicate some of your 'precious' time for me Iggy! Aww, that's so nice of you~!"

"Gah! Stop hugging me! And—don't touch me there! God! Just being in this country makes you act like him!"

"No way! I'm nothing like that French Fry!" America whined. "But how 'bout one kiss? Please? I swear nobody's listening!"

"Never."

"Pleeaaassee?"

"No."

"PUHLEAAZUH?"

"Oh my God, if it's going to keep you from ruining my language, fine!" England wailed and America thanked him joyfully. There was a long, wordless silence and France grinned to himself at the mental image while Canada turned a bit red once more. He was still kind of awkward when it came to stuff like this. "HMPH! Phwah—_I told you not to do that_!"

"Noo~! You're totally no fun!"

"I'd prefer to be 'no fun'!" England wailed. "France! By God, if you're listening—_which you shouldn't be!_ Put more security up at your radio stations! We got in way too easily! I'm leaving."

"Noo! Iggy, where are you going?" America whined rather loudly. There was the distant sound of England's voice, though neither of the two listeners could tell what the Briton was saying. "B-but—I'll stop! Like, like—heroes promise!"

"Hero—for God's sake America, enough of that!"

"PUHLEE—"

"If you dare say 'please' like that again, I'll have to skin you alive with a rusty knife," England seethed as he seated himself back in a chair next to the microphone he had been speaking into for the last hour and a half.

"Thank you~!"

"Now what the hell are we going to talk about anyways? I don't even think we have anything to say," England asked.

"We could—"

"No 'on air' sex if that's what you're trying to say."

"What? No! Iggy, you're such a pervert," America snickered and England stuttered angrily once more. "I was gonna say we could try to find some _good_ music on here. I mean, even China had a few good songs back at his place—I wasn't in a radio station, but he showed me a few CD's and shit…"

"I just realized that there's no censor here," England pointed out.

"Fucking hell son of a bitch basta—hmph!" America was cut of either by England's lips or his hand.

"Don't say another word," unfortunately it was the latter. "Here, let's just play whatever the hell's here…" England trailed off as he began, what the two listeners assumed, searching. "Ugh, they even have their own bloody national anthem here—could they get any more patriotic? Actually, nobody beats you at that America."

"Yaay, I don't know if that's a good thing, but thank you Iggy~!" America likely pulled England into another hug.

"Now I know how Romano feels with you and Italy and your 'hug therapy'…" England huffed. "God…okay let's see…I've recognized four songs so far."

"Zero for Mr. America unfortunately," America sighed in mock defeat. "Hm…hey—what's this butto—beep—o?"

"I'm guessing you found the censor button," England sighed. "God, I thought they added those when they edited the audio."

"I think they do. Hey Frenchie! Just in case you're tuned in—awesome radio station!" America thanked enthusiastically before proceeding with pressing the censor button multiple times, the sound becoming immensely irritating.

"Qu—beep—rica—beep—STOP!" England probably managed to stop America from pressing the button any further, for the noise ceased to continue. "Ow, that's giving me a headache," Canada assumed that they had the headsets on as well when he heard that.

"I know how to get rid of yo—"

"No."

"Dammit," America sulked briefly before bouncing back energetically. "Well, I've totally gotten bored of this French radio station—time to go storm a British one, so everyone can understand us!"

"No way are we going to my place if that's what you're planning!"

"Fine, either that, or, what you called it 'on air' sex would be great!"

"Mm! You just—gah! Why do you have to be so difficult?"

"'Cause I'm the US of Awesome! Alfred Fucking Jones! Even though that's not my real middle name—I still like it! It makes me sound badass or something…"

"Does not."

"Does too."

"Does no—I refuse to continue something as childish as this," England stopped himself before he could continue.

"Ha, ha. Iggy, despite everything, you're so immature!" America snickered and England stuttered angrily for a third time.

"I am _not_ immature!"

"Yes you are~" America sing-songed. "Now come on, let's go—I wanna see if we get more attention at your place."

"No way am I going."

"Fine, then some 'on air' sex and we won't go," America was probably grinning right now as he gave England a choice.

"…Ugh, fine…"

XXXX

**Lol, short and sweet. I was watching television and saw a guy talking on a radio. Then like, ten minutes later, the idea hit me so hard that I had to get back up and type this thing out. Man, that'd be like—the most epic radio channel on this whole planet XD So yup—please review, love to hear what people have to say and peace out my friends ;)**


End file.
